I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
