im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
