Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
