you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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