i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My balls are so social today.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
