the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
