You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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