When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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