cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
