That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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