When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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