i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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