I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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