And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
