First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
