i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
