Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK

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(201): View more from New Jersey

you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin

(914): View more from New York

and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston

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(+44): View more from England

why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

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(214): View more from Texas

I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.

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(974): View more from

You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

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(773): View more from Illinois

What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.

(773): View more from Illinois

We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?

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(530): View more from California

I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!

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