do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
