Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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