At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Can I color on your dick again?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
