She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
