her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
