i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
