there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
