He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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