I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
