You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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