shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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