If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Two words: blizzard sex
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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