and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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