My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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