I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
