Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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