omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
