We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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