don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
