im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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