We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
