I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
