Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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