I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
