Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
