so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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