I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
