At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
