She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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