Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
