honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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