You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
