omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
