used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
